Relationship Therapy

The 3 Rs: Relationships…Relationships Relationships…

We all like to think we know what’s best when it comes to navigating our relationships. But sometimes it’s necessary to call in the support of a professional, a neutral partner, to join in the process of discovery — to get to the root of the real reasons for the conflict and break through to the core of unaddressed issues in the relationship. When relationship issues are left to fester and simmer under the surface, they can cause great anguish and feelings of self-doubt and resentment. These feelings can manifest themselves in a million different ways that cause problems and roadblocks to communication and connection.

Relationship Baggage is Real! Often these issues aren’t even always about the spouse or partner, though they can be. They’re sometimes unresolved issues from prior relationships, even from childhood and family events in a person’s past. If one partners has unresolved or unaddressed experiences (i.e., emotional, physical, or spiritual), they will most likely carry that heavy luggage with them from one relationship to another. As a result, this distorts interactions with their partner and can cause problems, both emotionally and behaviorally (i.e., acting distant, withdrawn, quick to anger, gaslighting partner, etc.). Consequently, the other partner may not understand or think it’s about them.

Why Grant Access Into Your Personal Relationship? Going to therapy does not mean that your relationship is failing or that something – or someone – is inherently wrong. We all get stuck sometimes and making the choice to go to engage in psychotherapy for any reason can feel like a very big step. It involves admitting that things are not perfect in your partnership, which is often tough to do and scary to admit. And if you are not particularly familiar with psychotherapy, it can feel mysterious and evoke feelings of helplessness, confusion. The idea of seeking relationship therapy sits on the back burner — with one or both parties thinking that it may be a good idea — feeling unsure of how to proceed or whether their specific problems can really be helped. This holding pattern can last for far too long! Consequently, the ruptures in the relationship continue to widen.

I’m a huge fan of Harry Potter, but mystery and unspoken messages should never take root in a healthy relationship. To help demystify the process, below are some common issues that indicate that a couples/partners/spouses could potentially benefit from seeking support.

• Trust has been betrayed or broken
• Intimacy and sex. It’s not a bad word or taboo topic. We are all sexual beings, but sometimes intimacy obstacles and roadblocks surface
• Domestic violence
• Arguments are becoming more frequent – increased feelings of anger and resentment
• Communication is poor – the lost ability to listen and understand the other partner
• Something definitely feels off or wrong, but you are unsure about the “what” or “why”